Ye Olde New England Thanksgiving

In which our plucky heroine leaves everything till the last minute and then runs around like a madwoman for 24 hours.

6:00am: Wake up and realize that it's the day before Thanksgiving and everyone is coming to your house. You've not yet written out a menu, nor do you have many of the required ingredients already in your kitchen. Your darling husband's employer has offered to supply the turkey as a lovely Thanksgiving bonus, but it's not here yet and you have no idea if it will be large enough to feed everyone or if it's frozen solid. Consider selling children on the idea of "A Very Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" and simply serving toast and popcorn. Go back to sleep.
7:00am: Children wake you up jumping up and down squealing, "Tomorrow's Thanksgiving!" Consider selling children on the idea of "A Very Britney Spear's Thanksgiving," Cheetoes and Red Bull y'all. Must get coffee, stat.
7:15: First cup of coffee, brain cells reviving. Turn on morning news and watch touching piece about Thanksgiving dinners being prepared for our military. Consider joining military before next Thanksgiving.
7:30: Grab ye olde family recipe box and start writing out menu while various and sundry children file through the kitchen looking for breakfast. Pop Tarts and Lucky Charms all around. Wonder if this annual sugar binge is part of why your children enjoy Thanksgiving so much.
8:00am: Second cup of coffee. Realize that if you go to the grocery store now, you could probably beat the crowd and get back in time to have all the baking done before nightfall. Take shower first, Lord knows you won't get one tomorrow. Give children usual pre-shower instructions, "Knock if you need me. No fighting. I want everyone to still be alive when I get out."
8:45am: Put My Little Pony video on constant loop and leave eldest in charge. Get shopping done in record time and load groceries into car feeling pretty darn good. Receive cell phone call from eldest concerning the 2 year old, "ahh, she stripped down and took her dirty diaper off herself. She's running around the house now and she's a mess. What should I do?" Instruct eldest to deposit youngest into tub. Hurry home. Wonder what adopted Mom, Angelina, is doing for Thanksgiving? (Satay and Cristal in between mad boffing sessions in the pantry and text messages from Kofi Annan.)
9:15am: Clean youngest. Clean house. Clean out fridge to make room for what is hopefully a very large turkey. Phone call from hubby to say he's stopping by to drop off the bird. Employer doesn't disappoint. This thing is huge and frozen hard as a rock. Forget fridge, fill sink with cool water and set turkey in there. Children gather around sink to ooh and ahh. Four older children start swapping bad jokes about mom giving the bird swimming lessons so it won't drown in gravy. *badumpbump*
10:00am: Toffee time. The culinary highlight of the children's Thanksgiving every year, homemade, chocolate covered toffee. One by one each child stops by the kitchen to ask if they can taste test when it's done. Everyone gets a sample. One lovely assistant wisely suggests hiding toffee from Dad until tomorrow.
11:00am: Prepare crabmeat stuffed mushrooms and filling for little cheese, pastry puff thingies. Realize that this effort will be totally lost on children who abhor mushrooms.
12:00pm: Inhale lunch.
12:15pm: Cook pie crust and whip up pumpkin filling while it cools. Eldest comes in to see how things are moving along and lights up at sight of nearly completed pie. Remember why you do this.
1:30pm: Set pie in fridge to chill and clean kitchen. Give bird in sink fresh water.
2:30pm: Knit, knit, knit Greek Pullover. Aran weight Andean Silk on Size 8 Addi Turbo needles with an Interweave pattern. It doesn't get any better than this.
4:00pm: Watch Rachel Ray on Oprah while folding laundry. Wish you and family were having Thanksgiving at Rachel's place while Oprah mixes up pomegranate martinis and buys you a house.
5:00pm: Hubby arrives home, "What's for dinner?" Resist urge to strangle darling husband. Wrestle with large turkey instead. Mother-in-law arrives to drop off stuffing and roasting pan.
6:00pm: Fix sorry excuse for a dinner. Chicken nuggets and rice for kids, omelettes for self and spouse.
7:00pm: Help children get ready for bed.
8:00pm: Have embarassingly good time watching Kenny Chesney concert special even though he looks like your 8th grade math teacher when he takes that cowboy hat off. Knit.
9:00pm: Stuff bird. Realize you have no proper kitchen twine and truss turkey with some leftover Debbie Bliss Wool Cotton in ecru. Use aluminum foil to tuck bird in for the night, set him in preheated oven with timer set to go off in 8 hours. Hope for the best.
9:30am: Resist urge to knit just one more row. Get some sleep.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!