Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Casting On

So what else have I been up to?  Let's see....
Ah, yes.  I got married.  After saying never again I found someone who made me reconsider.  Or rather, re-found someone.  Our Mothers were coworkers and friends when we were still in utero.  I arrived first.  He showed up six weeks later.  We went to each other's birthday parties, Halloween parties (I was Princess Leia.  He was C3po) and we stayed aware of each other's lives via our Mothers.

                                                                            Something transformative can happen with time, maturity, hard life lessons and years of reflecting on what's missing in life and what you wish it looked like.  If you're very brave or blissfully ignorant and naive or a bit of all three, one day you wake up and life looks something like this.
In anticipation of this day I decided to cast on something special.  Something delicate and ethereal.  Something complicated that would keep my hands busy in the days leading up to our wedding, but if you've ever planned a wedding you know there is PLENTY to keep you busy.  Especially when you and your beloved are also blending a family and raising eight children together.

Needless to say very little progress was made on what was supposed to be a wedding shawl.  The pattern is Kiri by Polly Outhwaite from All Tangled Up and the yarn is Aloft from Knitpicks in the color Sky.  I've wanted to knit this pattern for so long and I do love it, but the process is far from relaxing.  At least at this point in my life.  Every time I vow to take it up again I live in dread of that moment when someone distracts me or bumps my chart keeper or just looks at me sideways and suddenly my stitch counts are off.  I'm lace phobic.  I'll work it out and overcome my fears and this may be finished in time for our fifth anniversary.    
In fact I have a strategy to move beyond my lace phobia.  Five years ago when the baby who is no longer a baby was born, I posted about my affection for self-striping sock yarn hand dyed by Meg at Twisted Fiber Art .  At that time she was selling through Etsy and with one of my orders she included a sample skein of superwash sock yarn in a colorway called Octarine.  I fell in love with the colors, but then life happened.  We moved house, money was tight, calamity struck and as it turns out I am not one of those people who can heed Elizabeth Zimmermann's advice to "Knit on with confidence and hope, through all crises."  Still, I held onto that sample Skein.  So here we are in better times and a quick search turned up Meg's new site.  Lo and behold she still offers Octarine in many more styles.              

I ordered the colorway in Evolution which is made up of very long, gradual transitions in a fingering weight silk/merino blend. I think knitting up something lacey in a heavier weight than Aloft is going to build a little confidence and set me on my way.  I had already purchased Ysolda's Ishbel pattern before ordering this yarn, but was inspired after seeing Pearl Power's Ishbel in the same yarn posted on Meg's site.  Can yarn bring you closure?  It may sound hokey, but having this yarn turn up on my doorstep after all these years was symbolic for me. It took us a long time to finally come together and I wish it could have been sooner, but timing is everything.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Aaaaaannnnd We're Back.

Life is funny and not always “funny-Ha! Ha!” It’s been far too long since I last posted, but in that time I’ve learned so much and life has changed so much since that inaugural post on April 21, 2005. After a difficult marriage, painful divorce (a phrase which now sounds ridiculously redundant,) time as a single mom of seven, the long illness and eventual death of my Father, and
now, miraculously, finding myself in a happier place it’s time to review what we’ve learned class…

1. It’s a cliché, but it’s true, time goes faster as you get older.

2. Children have their own path in life which they generously let you be a part of for a time.

3. You never fully comprehend how horrible your circumstances have become until you come out the other side and look back on it from a safe place. This is probably for the best or you’d never find the strength to push on and get to aforementioned safe place.

4. If someone you love continually tells you in word and/or deed that you’re worthless and can’t do anything right, at some point in the journey, no matter how strong you think you are, you start to
believe them.

5. If someone you love tells you you’re worthless and can’t do anything right it’s probably time to find someone else to love….like yourself.

6. Among friends and family who truly love you, no one will be harder on you than you. They
just sometimes have an easier time being honest with you than you do with yourself.

7. Sometimes when a wrecking ball hits your life it clears the way for something beyond your wildest dreams.

8. Men who know how to cook AND do laundry and are happy to do so without complaining or expecting a medal- They do exist.

9. It’s possible to love someone and wish them all the best and not particularly like them very much.

10. I have given more than I should have, put up with more than I care to admit, but received far more than I deserve. It all balances out in the end.

11. I am blessed.

12. I am blessed.

13. I am blessed.

Well that was heavy.  Now that we’re all caught up, How about some knitting???